I recently picked up Tyrese Gibson’s book, “How to Get Out of Your Own Way,” and must admit my initial skepticism. I was certain this would be another self-edifying ghostwritten rant with the sole purpose of increasing publicity. I was wrong…
Mr. Gibson, whose stage number is simply Tyrese, and has starred in movies such as Transformers and Annapolis, presents a compelling and transparent case for the ills we all face: doing the same thing and expecting different results, playing the victim card (racial, gender, upbringing, etc), and other self-sabotaging tactics.
About two-thirds complete, I am moved by his candid penmanship. One of the questions he asked is the title of this post: Are you being celebrated or tolerated? I won’t venture to share the details of the context in which he posed the question (go buy the book, it’s worth it), but it did get me thinking about the discussions I have with my students and my clients each week…
As I conclude my 31st semester of teaching, I reflect on how this semester I repeatedly reminded my students that the relationships we have are a treasure and we are to be honored to be in them; likewise, those in relationship with us must treasure us and feel honored to have us. While this has the markings of humanism – where humans are center-stage in all of life – it is about an appreciation for what we have. Something that we have great control over…
Being a little (really, only a little) obsessive-compulsive about taking inventory of my life, I am often confronted with the reality of my life: I have so much to be thankful for and have the best gifts and blessings any man could ask for. Most especially, the people in my life who celebrate me, rather than tolerate me. For instance, this past weekend, I drove about an hour to Livingston to spend the day with my ailing (god)daughter at her grandmother’s. Though quite ill, she put on her best smile, sat on my lap half of the day and snuggled with me the rest of it as we watched a movie. As I drove home, I couldn’t help but think: I have been weighed and I have been measured; and I’ve not been found wanting.
You and I made no applications with regard to our parents, siblings, and other family members. But our friends, our vendors, business associates, and a few others are what we term in interpersonal communication, relationships of choice. As such, we ought to be selective with them as a sommelier is with the selection of wines. We ought to select the “wines” that we can celebrate daily and those that we know will celebrate (rather than tolerate) us.
You see, our lives truly only go so far as the people we surround ourselves with. And while I was furious as a child, I am now thankful that my parents sifted through my “friends” and reminded me that not everyone was “good enough” for me to be associated with. Because of that, I have a small army of people that celebrate me and push me to become the very best version of myself each day.
What’s your army look like?
(c) 2011, Dr. Kozhi Sidney Makai. No part of this blog post may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system without the written consent of the copyright holder.