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Thought-Provoking Ideas that Inspire.
What Color Is A Zebra's Stripes?
Oct 21, 2020
What Color is a Zebra?
Black, with White Stripes?
White, with Black Stripes?
Growing up in Zambia, these aren’t the “deep philosophical” questions I asked myself (and I don’t remember hearing anyone pose such a question). All I knew was that a Zebra Crossing was a place where humans were legally allowed to cross a road so they weren’t jaywalking. (I know, there’s so much there, but we don’t have time)...
Questions are so important because, according to the word’s etymology, they help us solve problems, learn, and challenge. Are you like me, and are intrigued by all three of those things?
As a Performance Psychologist, I’m paid to solve problems; specifically, performance problems. I’m also paid to learn; about myself, my community, my environment, and my clients. And I’m paid to challenge; myself, my clients, and the status quo.
How are YOU using questions?
Are you using...
Why Build A Bridge?
Oct 07, 2020
I love bridges...
Golden Gate Bridge. Brooklyn Bridge. Clinton Street Bridge in Defiance, Ohio (shout out to Tabitha’s family in Ohio). No matter large or small, I love them all...
Bridges are connectors. They shrink distance. They enable commerce. They mediate relationships. They provide transformative experiences. We often take them for granted, but they serve us and sustain us and our weight (see what I did there?)...
Metaphors aside, each of us is a bridge of sorts. If we choose to, we are connectors, shrink distance, enable commerce, mediate relationships, and sustain others when we share the burden of their loads. Key Words: IF...WE...CHOOSE...TO...
I might as well get this out in the open: You will NEVER find someone who agrees with you on EVERYTHING. So, stop posturing and acting like you’ve got the corner on the market for rightness. That’s the prerequisite for being a bridge...
Our world has many needs to be met. I...
Itโs ALWAYS About The Team
Sep 16, 2020
Tabitha and me walk a lot. We often observe nature teaching potent lessons. This video is a class we attended on one of our excursions.
Lessons from nature pose hard questions about our grit and capacity. Whether it’s wild flowers growing through concrete or ants collaborating on a gathering mission, much can be learned with increased observational acuity...
I doubt the ants in this video are best friends, like each other, or always agree with one another’s views. However, these ants are mission-focused and vision-oriented; I can’t think of a successful team that isn’t...
Coming from a guy who’s never met a stranger, please hear this: STOP trying to fashion your team around YOUR mission and vision. Whether you lead the team or work on it, the mission and vision has to be bigger than you...
We don’t have to be friends to focus on a common mission and vision. We don’t have to like each other either. But we...
Toughness Training 101
Sep 02, 2020
My professional career has centered around 4 areas of specialization: Communication, Leadership, Relationships, and Resiliency. In many ways, 3 of these owe their success largely to 1. Any guesses as to which one?
If you’ve guessed Resiliency, you’d be correct...
Without Resiliency, communication is only about exchanging messages.
Without Resiliency, leadership is only about power and control.
Without Resiliency, relationships are only about what we can get.
Resiliency is a LEARNED skill — one that can’t be taught in a classroom. Resiliency is borne out of the struggle, mistakes, mishaps, and misfortunes that are the rent we all must pay to live on Earth. With the right perspective, Resiliency and it’s acquisition are a beautiful thing!
With Resiliency, communication becomes about garnering shared meaning.
With Resiliency, leadership becomes about mission, vision, and people.
With Resiliency, relationships become about mutual...
Struggling With Perfectionism?
Aug 19, 2020
I recently had the pleasure of coaching someone I care deeply about. She was struggling with perfectionism, and that was affecting her stakeholders.
It was clear that she cared very deeply about her work, and wanted to serve her stakeholders with professionalism and excellence. Sadly, expectations ruined it...
Expectations permeate every aspect of human endeavor — they’re inescapable. They’re the fuel that drive many decisions, and often ruin many relationships and aspirations.
“Are you asking me to lower my expectations?” she asked. “No. I’m asking you to temper them.” There’s a huge difference between LOWERED and TEMPERED expectations.
Tempering is the process of superheating and cooling that results in, say, tempered glass. It’s a lot stronger than “regular” glass. To gain that strength/resiliency, more is required...
When we temper our expectations, we season...
What Are You Doing With This Storm?
Aug 05, 2020
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t often taken a straight line towards the things that matter and mean the most to me. It’s been a curvy road, often with cliffs on either side...
There aren’t many straight roads in the game of life. Straight roads would be too easy. And they often don’t create the strongest of men, women, and children.
In the middle of a storm, it’s easy for us to wish for easy. Things can be so hard, we just want a break. Truth is, storms are what make the best sailors...
What are you doing with this storm?
Complaining? That’s not a strategy.
Netflixing? That’s not a plan.
Blaming? That doesn’t change circumstances.
Kozhi’s Challenge:
Practice EXTREME OWNERSHIP today.
Take FULL, TOTAL, and COMPLETE ownership of your life and your work.
It doesn’t matter who’s to blame for your circumstances. That knowledge won’t change your circumstances. What...
How We Beat These Times
Jul 22, 2020
Phenomenology...
...I love it because it captures the lived experiences of an individual at a point in time. I suppose that’s why I love photography. It captures a moment in time and there’s texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more...
This week, I spent time working with a wonderful national leadership organization facilitating a dialogue on the lived experience and how it impacts relationships. Our experiences are filled with texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more. We can’t run from that...
In the middle of our current health and social challenges, let’s engage deeper. Let’s see that there’s texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more to each person’s experience. Rather than minimizing one another’s experience, let’s dig deeper and engage in them...
No one knows my experience like I do.
No one experiences my day like I do.
That is...until someone chooses to listen.
Let’s...
Dialogue or Debate?
Jul 15, 2020
I’m a proud member of AARP...
For my non-American audience, that’s the American Association of Retired Persons. No, I’m not 50 (yet) but I read a Forbes article a couple years back that said they’d let a 35 year old in. At 40, they let me in... 
In our most recent publication that was mailed to me, AARP’s President, Catherine Alicia Georges wrote a compelling piece. This attached words really capture the heart, spirit, and soul of what we need most right now:
Unity over Division
Hope over Hate
Faith over Fear
Compassion over Confrontation
A more “just, caring, and thriving world” (in the words of LeaderShape) is impossible without Unity, Hope, Faith, and Compassion.
I only have one thing to add to the list above: Dialogue over Debate.
If we focus on proving each other wrong, we can’t find common ground. All relationships depend on common ground (not complete agreement)....
We Canโt Sustainably Live In The โRedโ Zone
Jul 10, 2020
I wouldn’t recommend running with an oxygen deprivation mask in 83% humidity. Most sane people wouldn’t do it even under the best weather conditions 
Stopping to take this picture this week gave me a brief break from my insanity. I wanted to illustrate something that many of us tend to do too frequently: staying in the “red” zone too long.
Like the RPMs in a vehicle, nothing good comes from spending too much time in the “red zone” — we could damage the engine. Yet, we push ourselves far beyond the limit a lot.
I’m a firm believer in sustainability. My definition of this word is doing something for the next five years without causing emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological, or other damage.
Running at 173 BPM or more for too long would eventually damage my ticker. That same concept applies to all other aspects of our lives. We can’t sustainably live in the “red” zone.
I’m certainly not knocking putting in...
Narrative Flexibility
Jul 09, 2020
Posttraumatic growth involves the powerful experience of narrative transformation. The secret to achieving narrative transformation, and ultimately posttraumatic growth and resiliency, is learning how to assign appropriate meaning to life’s events.
- Disrupted!: Resiliently Reintegrating After Stress & Adversity
COVID-19 has invaded our collective consciousness. I can’t remember any event capturing our imagination on a global scale as much as this pandemic. As a phenomenologist, I traffic in the lived experiences of those I’m fortunate to conduct my research with. The power of story has fascinated me since my childhood in Zambia, where the fabric of our history is woven deeply into our stories and narratives.
As I look at the landscape of our world, it’s clear COVID-19 is seared in every one of our stories. The difference, I believe, lies in how we process this experience and what value we place on this experience. Calhoun and Tedeschi are researchers who...
