BLOG
Thought-Provoking Ideas that Inspire.
Toughness Training 101
Sep 02, 2020
My professional career has centered around 4 areas of specialization: Communication, Leadership, Relationships, and Resiliency. In many ways, 3 of these owe their success largely to 1. Any guesses as to which one?
If you’ve guessed Resiliency, you’d be correct...
Without Resiliency, communication is only about exchanging messages.
Without Resiliency, leadership is only about power and control.
Without Resiliency, relationships are only about what we can get.
Resiliency is a LEARNED skill — one that can’t be taught in a classroom. Resiliency is borne out of the struggle, mistakes, mishaps, and misfortunes that are the rent we all must pay to live on Earth. With the right perspective, Resiliency and it’s acquisition are a beautiful thing!
With Resiliency, communication becomes about garnering shared meaning.
With Resiliency, leadership becomes about mission, vision, and people.
With Resiliency, relationships become about mutual...
Struggling With Perfectionism?
Aug 19, 2020
I recently had the pleasure of coaching someone I care deeply about. She was struggling with perfectionism, and that was affecting her stakeholders.
It was clear that she cared very deeply about her work, and wanted to serve her stakeholders with professionalism and excellence. Sadly, expectations ruined it...
Expectations permeate every aspect of human endeavor — they’re inescapable. They’re the fuel that drive many decisions, and often ruin many relationships and aspirations.
“Are you asking me to lower my expectations?” she asked. “No. I’m asking you to temper them.” There’s a huge difference between LOWERED and TEMPERED expectations.
Tempering is the process of superheating and cooling that results in, say, tempered glass. It’s a lot stronger than “regular” glass. To gain that strength/resiliency, more is required...
When we temper our expectations, we season...
What Are You Doing With This Storm?
Aug 05, 2020
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t often taken a straight line towards the things that matter and mean the most to me. It’s been a curvy road, often with cliffs on either side...
There aren’t many straight roads in the game of life. Straight roads would be too easy. And they often don’t create the strongest of men, women, and children.
In the middle of a storm, it’s easy for us to wish for easy. Things can be so hard, we just want a break. Truth is, storms are what make the best sailors...
What are you doing with this storm?
Complaining? That’s not a strategy.
Netflixing? That’s not a plan.
Blaming? That doesn’t change circumstances.
Kozhi’s Challenge:
Practice EXTREME OWNERSHIP today.
Take FULL, TOTAL, and COMPLETE ownership of your life and your work.
It doesn’t matter who’s to blame for your circumstances. That knowledge won’t change your circumstances. What...
How We Beat These Times
Jul 22, 2020
Phenomenology...
...I love it because it captures the lived experiences of an individual at a point in time. I suppose that’s why I love photography. It captures a moment in time and there’s texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more...
This week, I spent time working with a wonderful national leadership organization facilitating a dialogue on the lived experience and how it impacts relationships. Our experiences are filled with texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more. We can’t run from that...
In the middle of our current health and social challenges, let’s engage deeper. Let’s see that there’s texture, feeling, light, dark, and so much more to each person’s experience. Rather than minimizing one another’s experience, let’s dig deeper and engage in them...
No one knows my experience like I do.
No one experiences my day like I do.
That is...until someone chooses to listen.
Let’s...
Dialogue or Debate?
Jul 15, 2020
I’m a proud member of AARP... 
For my non-American audience, that’s the American Association of Retired Persons. No, I’m not 50 (yet) but I read a Forbes article a couple years back that said they’d let a 35 year old in. At 40, they let me in... 
In our most recent publication that was mailed to me, AARP’s President, Catherine Alicia Georges wrote a compelling piece. This attached words really capture the heart, spirit, and soul of what we need most right now:
Unity over Division
Hope over Hate
Faith over Fear
Compassion over Confrontation
A more “just, caring, and thriving world” (in the words of LeaderShape) is impossible without Unity, Hope, Faith, and Compassion.
I only have one thing to add to the list above: Dialogue over Debate.
If we focus on proving each other wrong, we can’t find common ground. All relationships depend on common ground (not complete agreement)....
We Canβt Sustainably Live In The βRedβ Zone
Jul 10, 2020
I wouldn’t recommend running with an oxygen deprivation mask in 83% humidity. Most sane people wouldn’t do it even under the best weather conditions 
Stopping to take this picture this week gave me a brief break from my insanity. I wanted to illustrate something that many of us tend to do too frequently: staying in the “red” zone too long.
Like the RPMs in a vehicle, nothing good comes from spending too much time in the “red zone” — we could damage the engine. Yet, we push ourselves far beyond the limit a lot.
I’m a firm believer in sustainability. My definition of this word is doing something for the next five years without causing emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological, or other damage.
Running at 173 BPM or more for too long would eventually damage my ticker. That same concept applies to all other aspects of our lives. We can’t sustainably live in the “red” zone.
I’m certainly not knocking putting in...
Narrative Flexibility
Jul 09, 2020
Posttraumatic growth involves the powerful experience of narrative transformation. The secret to achieving narrative transformation, and ultimately posttraumatic growth and resiliency, is learning how to assign appropriate meaning to life’s events.
- Disrupted!: Resiliently Reintegrating After Stress & Adversity
COVID-19 has invaded our collective consciousness. I can’t remember any event capturing our imagination on a global scale as much as this pandemic. As a phenomenologist, I traffic in the lived experiences of those I’m fortunate to conduct my research with. The power of story has fascinated me since my childhood in Zambia, where the fabric of our history is woven deeply into our stories and narratives.
As I look at the landscape of our world, it’s clear COVID-19 is seared in every one of our stories. The difference, I believe, lies in how we process this experience and what value we place on this experience. Calhoun and Tedeschi are researchers who...
Do You See HOPE In A Sunrise/Sunset?
Jul 07, 2020
What do you see in a sunset (or a sunrise)
The beginning of the day? Or the end of the day?
On Independence Day, I worked a few hours before I got to sit and enjoy some time off and do some reflecting. This sunset was the perfect backdrop for my musings.
I see HOPE in my sunrises and my sunsets...
I’m reminded that a new day is dawning, and that an evening of promise approaches.
I’m consoled knowing that I DON’T have to control everything.
That some of my best blessings are gifts such as witnessing another sunset.
Recent research by Gallup has found that what we all need during this pandemic is HOPE.
I’m not talking about hope springing eternal; I’m talking about visionary hope.
The kind of hope that puts anticipation deep within us.
The kind of hope that makes us yearn for another chance at life.
The kind of hope that puts actions behind dreams and intent.
How do we find that hope?
By SOWING it...
If we want a harvest of hope in our selves...
Are You A Critical Thinker?
Jul 02, 2020
"You like her...until you don't..."
That's what I told one of my clients recently about her relationship with her supervisor. She's had different supervisors, and everything starts off great with each one...then it deteriorates into complaining about how bad the supervisor is. What I tried to help my client understand is that the common denominator in each case isn't the supervisor...it's her!
We can't win in life without critical thinking.
Do you have an open mind? Or do you dig your heels in and hold your beliefs without challenging them?
How about healthy skepticism? Do you take everything like a large-mouth bass or catfish swallows the whole hook?
Intellectual humility...is that something you cultivate? Or are you convinced that you alone hold court and know it all?
Are you a free thinker? Or are you prone to groupthink and just go with the crowd instead of thinking for yourself?
Do you have a deep desire (motivation) for Truth? Or you're alright having others tell you what the...
Transformative Experiences Come From Critical Thought
Jun 29, 2020
Growing up in Zambia, there were three national exams that we had to pass to matriculate into the next phases of school:
Grade 7 exams.
Grade 9 exams.
Grade 12 exams.
In Grade 7, we took two tests — Special Paper 1 and 2 — that checked our critical thinking and reasoning skills. When I moved to the U.S., I was amazed that Critical Thinking wasn’t formally taught for most until college...
Our times call for Critical Thinkers — people who refuse to hide behind the emotion of an experience, and judge it with BOTH a clear mind and a clear heart. Sadly, it’s quite clear that crucial critical thinking and reasoning skills are lacking right now...
Critical thinking doesn’t mean we don’t feel our emotions. Critical thinking means we don’t allow our emotions to blur our vision, poison the well of wisdom, or excuse us of all common sense. We can’t have what my friends at LeaderShape call “a more just, caring, and thriving...
